We’ve bought a dog. “What make is it?” I asked. “It looks like a Shih Tzu” said Lolly. “What’s a Shih Tzu?” asked Thomas. “One with no animals” said Tilda, her eyes on the television. “She’s a Miniature Schnauzer” said Mrs LG. “And she’s called Lola”. I didn’t want a pet – I wanted more children.

An excerpt from Russell’s facebook (where some words may have been edited to remove bad language or drunkenly misspelt words)...

My six year old daughter, Matilda, runs the house, which I believe has something to do with her ability to make people accede to her bizarre, irrational demands. I try to spend as much time with her as possible; I’d like to find out her technique. But it’s hard weekdays as I tend to leave for work before she wakes up and when I’m back she’s in bed again, clearly exhausted from all the bizarre, irrational demands she has been making throughout the day.